MSDA 1: Mary Sue Destruction Agency
by asymmetricalreapertrash
Summary: The MSDA: Dedicated to the destruction of Sues, in every fandom, no matter what. Join Special Agents Eve and Andrew as they trek across Middle Earth with one purpose: To destroy a Sue. A little OCxOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Lord of the Rings.**

Eve was bored out of her mind.

No Wi-Fi signal, nobody to talk to, and the Sue hadn't even bothered to show up yet.

Eve was part of the Mary Sue Destruction Agency, or MSDA for short. Her job was to kill Sues. Which would be fairly obvious, considering the name Mary Sue Destruction Agency.

Normally, Eve would be discussing the plan for the Sue with her partner Andrew, however, they were in Lord of the Rings.

Andrew brought a whole new meaning to the words "Lord of the Rings fanboy."

Normally Eve's telepathy would allow her to have fun finding out everyone's secrets("Privacy is for suckers") her friend Jack always said, but everyone here was acting so stupid that Eve was completely sure that either they were OOC, or this Tokien guy's writing skills were WAAAAAAAAYYY overrated.

First of all, there was the Barbie-Vulcan crossover guy(Andrew said his name was Legolas, but Eve thought her version was better) whose thoughts seemed to mostly center around a beautiful woman who Eve assumed was the Sue.

The idiot was currently coming up with poetry. POETRY. Usually, Eve loved poetry, but this guy was using so many clichés-And they weren't even GOOD clichés-That Eve was almost sure she might be ill.

_Hair like straw spun into gold…Eyes like…wait, did he just compare her eyes to blueberries? God, this is painful. Eyes like sapphires, porcelain skin…someone kill me now._

Then there was the other guy, with brown hair, who, according to Andrew was named Aragorn, and Eve couldn't come up with a decent name for him when there were so many other people to make fun of. He seemed fairly normal, his thoughts centering around the ring in the middle of the table, some chick named Arwen, and something about a kingdom called Gondor.

The only other guy who seemed relatively normal was the one Eve had nicknamed Dumbledore(Although, according to Andrew, his name was Gandalf.) He was currently wondering why the heck Eve and Andrew were there, but the one benefit of Suefics was that one could shove their way into pretty much whatever elite group they chose and nobody really cared.

There were also the midgets, who were all thinking about food, the guy across from Andrew who looked like a conceited jerk whose thoughts were all so misogynistic that Eve had given up on reading his mind for fear she would walk across the room and punch him, probably starting some kind of war, and also alerting the author to the fact that there were MSDA agents in her fanfic.

So all she could do right now is wait for the Sue to come.

Judging by the sound of trumpets outside, it had happened.

"The Lady Jamesina-Jacquel Feather Crystal Wonder Golden Dawn!" Some random announcer shouted from the outside(Although Eve certainly didn't remember their being an announcer for anyone else.) Besides her, Andrew groaned in pain from hearing the name alone.

"Level 7.2 at the least," he grumbled to her.

"Really? My guess was Level 7.96,"

All Sues over a Level 4 were considered beyond rehabilitation and killed. The scale was from 1(Barely a Sue, could probably leave her alone) to 8(Oh, God someone tell me this author's a troll.)

This is what happens when you let the Soul Eater fangirls come up with the rating system.(The Director ruled out a scale of 1 to 42-42-564.)

And in walked a character that was so obviously a Sue.

She had long, silky, golden,(**Insert other sixty paragraphs describing hair here.**)hair. Opal eyes(**Of course opal's not an eye color, since when were Suethors realistic?) **a porcelain complexion, gown that wouldn't have looked out of place on a Disney princess, and ruby slippers.

Eve was having a very hard time deciding whether to burst out laughing or throw up.

Andrew looked like he was about to have a seizure.

Barbie-Vulcan Crossover Boy was looking at the Sue with a look of adoration on his face that was generally only seen by teenage boys staring at Selena Gomez in a bikini.

Dumbledore and Aragorn both facepalmed.

Elrond began to announce "My daughter, the Lady Jamesina-

"WE KNOW!" Eve, Andrew, Boromir, Aragorn, and Dumbledore or Gandalf or whatever he called himself all yelled.

Legolas sighed. "Even to hear the first of her names brings joy to my heart!"

Andrew began looking at his favorite dagger as if seriously considering suicide.

"And now, the Council! Frodo, bring fourth the Ring!"

"The…dialogue…completely…off…" Andrew was twitching.

Eve just shrugged it off, knowing that she had been the exact same when they were in the Hunger Games. The Sue they had fought there was not to be talked about again. Ever. We mean it.

Plus, although she'd never admit this if you ripped all her teeth out one by one, she thought it was cute that Andrew cared this much about the fandom.

Ahem. Back to the story.

Currently, everyone was yelling about who would take the ring to Mordor.

"I will take it! I will take it!" the short one was yelling.

"Everyone be quiet, Frodo has something to say!" the Lady Jamesina-Jacquel-you-get-the-point yelled in a voice that sounded like sunrise.

Here Eve started thinking to herself about how the hell a voice could sound like sunrise if sunrise didn't actually sound like anything.

"I will take the Ring to Mordor!" the short one repeated.

_Yeah, yeah, you're taking the evil engagement ring to Volcano World. Get moving, people!_

"_But I do not know the way."_

"Oh, I do!" Lady Jamesina sang. One by one, all the other people started volunteering, including Eve and Andrew, until the guy from Gondor had to open his big fat mouth.

"Women cannot go on such an adventure! They are far too delicate and weak! They shall die before we make it a mile!"

Eve responded in the polite way, by giving him the finger. She had considered going into his mind and showing him some Kawaii Sues(Which were far more terrifying then anything Middle Earth could throw at them) but Andrew's hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Twelve companions! You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!"

_Hopefully it'll be back to nine within a few days._


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! I'm back. Thanks for all the reviews, favorites, and follows I've gotten so far. **

**Lady Jamesina-Jacquel Feather Crystal Wonder Golden Dawn: Oh, thank you, lyke, for seeing how awesome I am!111**

**Eve: OUT! YOU ARE NOT INVOLVED IN THIS, BITCH! **

**Andrew: Can I kill her now?**

**Me: NO. I have to torture the readers more.**

**Subconscious: Trolololol…**

**No offense meant to any twelve-year-old girls. I'm sure not all of them are as bad as to come up with a Sue like this. **

**Review Replies**

**Annafan: LAVENDER? Wow. And thanks, Barbie-Vulcan crossover…that's my favorite part. **

**FoxFaith: Thanks, and I definitely plan to. **

**Problyadalek: Love your username, and thank you so much! **

**Don't own LoTR.**

Eve had been thinking: She could become a billionare.

By patenting this form of torture and selling it to the CIA, she'd be set for life.

She had been stuck walking for hours, with nothing to do but listen to Lady Jamesina's ENTIRE. LIFE. STORY.

The Sue, even though they had been walking for nearly three days straight, and she was wearing a ballgown and ruby slippers, AND her hair was about six feet long, still looked like she was going to Cinderella's ball.

It was times like these, when she was sore, tired, hungry, ticked off, dealing with several OOC idiots, that her brain often looked at the Lady Jamesina and said, _That could have been you._ _Being beautiful and talented no matter the circumstances…everyone in love with you…It's not so bad, is it? Andrew might pay more attention to you then, instead of all these medieval dumbasses._

Luckily, the more rational part of her brain kicked in at this point.

_Andrew wouldn't pay more attention to you, he'd be trying to kill you. And canon characters don't really love Sues, they do because whatever stupid author is writing the fanfic then makes them. And being beautiful and talented all the time is completely unrealistic, and your life may not be perfect, but goddamnit, it's real. This isn't helping you any. Think about something else._

Eve pulled herself out of her reverie and back to the real world.

"And so then, I saved Leggy from a band of vicious Orcies!"

_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! GO BACK TO THE ANGST!_

Luckily though, through the ever-magical device of the plotholes of a Suethor, they randomly teleported to somewhere else entirely. Eve flopped down on the ground as one of the hobbits started preparing food.

Receiving plenty of tips from the multi-talented Lady Jamesina, of course. Even though being Elrond's daughter meant she would likely have no experience cooking, her Sue-ness completely covered THAT plothole-well, not really, but for the sake of the poor, misguided twelve-year-old girl writing this, let's just say it does for the time being.

Eve, rather bored, started looking up the clouds. _Dolphin cloud…boat cloud…black cloud that's moving in the opposite direction from all the other clouds…hey, wait a minute…_

"Crebain! From Dunland!" Lady Jamesina cried in her voice-that-sounded-like-sunrise-even-though-sunris e-doesn't-actually-sound-like-anything.

Eve didn't know what the hell Crebain were(A flock of CROWS, people. Why are we all freaking out about a flock of CROWS? Is this like _The Birds_ or something?) but judging by the way Andrew was yanking her under a bush to hide, they probably weren't a good thing. The Lady Jamesina was under a bush with Legolas(Because she couldn't get stuck with Gimli, OH NO, THAT WOULD RUIN THE ENTIRE FREAKING PLOT.)

Note the sarcasm.

Eve and Andrew were stuck under a bush with Aragorn, the hobbits were hiding with Gimli and the Warrior from Gondor/Tatooine/Gallifrey. As Eve began grumbling about how damn it, a little time to regain the feeling in her legs was not too much to ask, the ranger turned to the two of them and said,

"The two of you are from the Mary Sue Destruction Agency. I should hope you're here to kill that spawn of Sauron that seems to have attached itself to us."

Both agents jumped. Which wasn't a very good idea, considering that the bush they were hiding in was of the type that grew thorns. Eve wanted to swear, but considering that that would get the Crows of Doom on them, decided against it. Andrew was already talking.

"You know about us? I mean, I-I knew some canons were told about Sues, but we don't have a list anywhere cause the entire agency pretty much revolves around computers and we can't have the most classified stuff on those in case of a security breach but-

Eve, ignoring the thorns, reached out her arm and Gibbs-slapped Andrew. It was the least she could do before he made a complete and utter fool of himself, as opposed to simply a COMPLETE fool of himself. Certain canons were sometimes told about Sues, but only if it was a fandom that Sues showed up in all the time(And at one point, the MSDA had considered stationing a permanent garrison in Rivendell) and the character had a good track record of resisting Sues(When they weren't after him, of course)

Eve nodded. "Yeah, that's why we're here."

As the Crows of Doom flew away, and everyone crawled out from under their respective bushes.("Ow! Ow! Stupid thorns!") The Lady Jamesina cried dramatically(Well, with Sues, is there any other way?) "This passage is being watched! We must go over the mountains!"

"Indeed, my lady. Your wisdom surpasses all("Sure, if 'all' means 'a kindergarten class' Andrew whispered) Legolas looked at the two MSDA agents suspiciously for a moment, then continued. "Come, we make for Caradhras."

As they walked towards the mountains in the distance, the dwarf started complaining about how they should be taking the mines, Andrew started complaining about how this Sue was one of those damn line-stealers, and Eve began thinking about the possibility of pushing the slut off the mountain.

Hopefully, she wasn't one of those ones that resurrected.

**Reviews always appreciated. Flames shall be used to light the Lady Jamesina-Jacquel on fire.**

**Eve, Andrew, Aragorn: PLEASE FLAME!**

**Me: (glares)**

**And one more thing: Should you like to join the MSDA, please PM me or let me know through a review. We can always use more people in the war against the Sues!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. I do own Eve and Andrew. I refuse to acknowledge the Sue.**

**I also do not own(Praise the Valar) any songs by either Justin Bieber or Hannah Montana.**

Eve's hatred of this Sue was growing stronger and stronger by the minute.

Now, the bitch was singing.

"You get the best of both worlds! Chill it out, take it slow! Then you rock out the show! You get the best of both worlds! Mix it all together and you know you get the best of both worlds!"

The freezing cold, the probable avalanche, and the Sue singing the most annoying pop songs in any universe(And they were in Middle Earth, how the hell would she know a Hannah Montana song?) all combined to make another form of torture that could break the most hardened of terrorists.

Then she started again.

"Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock! Make it rock! Life's what you make it, so come on! Come on! Everybody now!"

Here, Aragorn decided to step in and change the subject.

"There is a fell voice on the air."

"It's Saruman!" someone in front of Eve yelled.

Behind her, Andrew whispered "Close, but I'd be way more scared of that Sue then I ever would be of Saruman."

Eve snickered. "At least she's not one of those Kawaii Sues."

Andrew shook his head. "You and your Kawaii Sue-ophobia."

Eve shuddered. "Let's just change the subject."

"Okay, you got any idea of our plan for this one?"

"What we normally do, I guess. Isolate, kill."

"I don't think Legolas is gonna leave her alone long enough for that to happen."

"Can Elves be knocked unconscious?"

"Tell me that's not your plan."

"If you've got anything better, now's the time."

"He could kill us both."

"I'd get into his head before anything could happen."

"Eve, you can't mind control, the most you can do is suggest."

"He's so OOC, he'd be crazy suggestible right now."

"Yeah, to stuff from the Sue."

Their conversation was interrupted by an avalanche. Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Eve began flailing around as her air was cut off, trying to find anything in the general directions of _up _and _out._ Someone's hand grasped hers, and she was yanked out of the snow by Aragorn, who had Andrew as well. The Lady Jamesina was shouting something along the lines of how frightened she was, how grateful she was that Legolas had saved her(Cause again, anybody else saving her stupid life would have ruined THE ENTIRE FREAKING PLOT) and someone was yelling something about Frodo, and the dwarf was yelling something about the mines, and the Lady Jamesina something about how terrified she was yet AGAIN.

Andrew tapped on Eve's shoulder and pointed towards where the misogynist was holding onto the ring, with Frodo lying a few feet away in the snow. Aragorn walked towards them. "Boromir, give Frodo back the ring."

He kept staring at it. Eve tried a different tactic. "HEY, YOU, RING FANGIRL! PUT IT DOWN!"

That didn't work either.

The Lady Jamesina walked up to him and said, "Boromir, honey, give the ring back to Frodo, pleeeaaaaasssee?"

He gave her this look that Eve was pretty sure only showed up on sexual predators. Andrew noticed it too, and hissed "If this is one of those stupid fanfics where Boromir's a rapist, I'm fucking killing her through papercuts."

Eve nodded. "Works for me, but just slitting her throat like usual is probably more efficient."

"Efficiency, smifficiency. We're going for torture."

"Whatever works."

And, once again, through the teleporting randomly that happened in Suefics, the group found themselves randomly in a cave.

Andrew turned to Eve. "Stay away from the lake."

"Why? Evil mermaids?"

"No, giant squid."

"Close enough."

"Not really…"

A little ways away, Dumbledore was trying to open the doors. "It says, _Speak friend, and enter."_

"_Mellon."_ The Lady Jamesina said cheerfully, and the doors opened.

They all walked in. The room they were in didn't have anything in it except for a tomb. Dumbledore read the inscription down the tomb. "Here lies Balin, son of Thralin, Lord of Moria."

The dwarf burst into tears.

"OMG, stop, like, being a loser!" The Lady Jamesina yelled at him.

Both agents gave a "WTF?" look.

Andrew rolled his eyes. "She completely skipped the part with the giant squid."

"Well, can't say I'd miss that experience much." Eve replied. She paused for a second. "She would make a horrible grief counselor."

"Goblins!" the elf exclaimed randomly.

"Where did that come from?"

"I think it's the Suethor trying to get the story back on track."

"Little late for that."

'Somebody say that to her."

"They have a cave troll!" Boromir shouted.

Eve snickered.

"Eve Winters, if you start singing the troll song right now, I will hurt you."

"Oh, sure, ruin all my fun."

The doors burst open and suddenly tons of Orcs burst in. Andrew drew his two daggers from their sheaths, and Eve pulled out the small knife she had with her for situations like these. She preferred to fight using telepathy, but she had no clue how it would work on these things, and it was probably just easier to hide anyways. The Lady Jamesina produced a bow and arrow out of nowhere and started firing. She was taking out so many Orcs that Eve was able to easily stay out of the way simply from hiding behind her and Andrew. Sadly, none of the Orcs seemed to be able to kill her. Go figure.

Suddenly, as the author randomly skipped over the majority of the battle in order to showcase yet another of her idiot character's skills…

"OMG, FRODO!" Legolas yelled, seeing the hobbit as he got stabbed. Eve gave Andrew a LOOK, as she was pretty sure that, as they were in a medieval setting, nobody around here said 'OMG.'

Andrew swore as the rest of the Fellowship gathered around the severely hurt hobbit. "He's supposed to be wearing the mithril vest!" He hissed. "What the hell is going on!?"

"Oh, no! This is terrible! I should have watched him better!" The Lady Jamesina cried dramatically(Again, with Sues, no other possible way) and began to sing. Again.

"And I was like baby, baby, baby, ohhhh! Like baby, baby, baby, nooooooo! Like baby-I thought you'd always be mine, mine! Baby, baby, baby ohhh! Like-

Eve had clapped her hands over her ears at this point in order to try to block out SOME of the pain.

Legolas was still giving the Sue that creepy look of adoration.

Andrew was curled up in the fetal position and repeatedly murmuring "Make it stop, make it stop, oh God, just make it stop."

The hobbits were all dancing. DANCING. As in, they actually liked this song.

Aragorn was giving the Sue a look that could only be described as incredulous.

Boromir was giving the Sue the creepy-sexual-predator look again. Eve wasn't really sure how he'd randomly changed from a misogynist to a rapist, but threw it off as what the author would consider a convenient plot device.

Providing, of course, that there was an actual plot.

"IT'S A MIRACLE! I'M ALIVE!" Frodo yelled as he was miraculously healed by the Wicked Witch of the West-oh, I'm sorry, I meant the Lady Jamesina.

"We make for the Gap of Rohan. We never should have come here! Get out!" Boromir yelled.

Andrew grumbled something about "You were freaking supposed to say that around twenty minutes ago."

Eve grabbed his wrist. "Freak out about dialogue later, run from crazy creepy ugly things NOW."

The entire Fellowship (Plus Eve, Andrew, and the Lady Jamesina Insert The Rest of Her Middle Names Here) started running like crazy.

Being chased by an army of Orcs.

Andrew was taking out as many Orcs as he could with his daggers, but they were still coming too fast for him, and he just finally decided to stop being a hero and run.

Eve had come up with a different survival idea. Hide behind the Sue.

Well, if one of the Orcs got the Sue, it couldn't HURT.

They ran through what Eve assumed used to be a great hall of some kind…Where they were surrounded by Orcs.

_Well, this sucks._

**Sorry it's so long! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. I do own Eve, Andrew and the MSDA.**

**Okay, so I'm tossing around a few ideas of my plans for other MSDA fics, and if any of you guys have a fandom you want to see, let me know…or write it yourself. More MSDA members are always welcome.**

_Great. Just great. Of all the times to die, it has to be a fandom I'm not even IN, surrounded by people where only two or three of them, not counting myself, is incredibly OOC and stupid. This sucks._

Eve's train of thought was quickly interrupted by a roar and some kind of glow from the other end of the hall.

Judging by the way Andrew had tensed up, looking like he was about to shoot off like a bullet, it wasn't a good thing.

The Orcs didn't seem to think it was a good thing either, considering how they all ran away as if the devil was after them…or even worse, a Mary Sue.

_Hmm, maybe she scared them off. _

Whatever-was-at-the-other-end-of-the-hall-that-was -probably-dangerous roared again. Eve caught Andrew's eye and gave him a "This good or bad?" look.

The look he gave to her said. "We're all fucking doomed."

"A Balrog!" Gandalf yelled. "This is a foe beyond any of you. Run!"

Eve didn't need telling twice. Adrenaline surged through her veins as she took off, not even paying attention to the Sue behind her. She only looked behind her once, seeing as she had learned in MSDA training that looking behind you slowed you down unnecessarily, but what she saw behind her only made her want to speed up.

It was HUGE. Huge, and looking like something out of _Supernatural, _only a hell of a lot bigger. And with some kind of flaming whip.

Eve was mainly taking her cues from Andrew, and he kept running, down the steps towards the exit of the mines.

She started to follow him, but the steps crumbled and both she and Boromir almost fell over into the Endless Pit of Doom.

Yes, of course the technical term is the Endless Pit of Doom, what do you mean that's probably not what the dwarves originally named it?

Legolas grabbed both of them and dragged them back before they could fall, before jumping over himself.

Eve took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and lept as far as she could.

She felt a hand close around her wrist, and yank her forwards. Andrew looked back at the others and let go of her hand. "Too much to hope she falls off on the way over?"

"And have the author lose her precious Sue? Definitely."

Indeed, despite Aragorn's best attempts to trip her up, despite the ball gown and high heels, and despite the fact that being Elrond's daughter would leave her completely unprepared for any situation remotely like this, the Sue made it across.

To Eve's and Andrew's disappointment.

Aragorn made a move as if to throw Gimli, but he glared at him and shouted to the Ranger, "Nobody tosses a dwarf!"

Aragorn wisely decided not to pursue the matter. The dwarf jumped over and almost fell into the Endless Pit of Doom, but Legolas grabbed his beard, which would have made Eve laugh at the comedic image if they hadn't been in mortal danger at the time.

The hobbits got over, until none but Aragorn and Frodo were left. The side that they were on started sliding forward, until the two jumped off and made it, just in time.

Here everyone started running like heck. They were almost to the other side, almost out, when Eve noticed that the others weren't running with her.

They were all watching Gandalf. Most of them with worried/terrified/Aragorn-what-the-fuck-let's-get- out-of-here looks, but the Lady Jamesina was complaining rather loudly about how she could take that stupid Balrog, damn it, and Andrew had a fanboy look on his face that most people would likely find rather scary were they not in a similar situation.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Gandalf yelled, slamming the staff down. Even Eve was impressed. "YOU-SHALL-NOT-PASS!"

Eve watched with bated breath as the Balrog fell into the Endless Pit of Doom.

Which, when one is a eighty-gajillion-foot-tall-monster, is apparently not that endless.

Gandalf turned away and Eve finally relaxed. _Okay, danger over, now worry about the Sue._

Until the fiery whip came back up and curled around Gandalf's leg. It yanked him back, until the wizard was just barely holding on to the edge of the stone.

He turned to the others. He looked at them all and said only three words.

"Fly, you fools!"

Eve didn't honestly remember most of the trip. All she knew was that Boromir had been arguing with Aragorn(Again), the Lady Jamesina had swooned into Legolas' arms, and Andrew had been so energized by the experience that he been running around like the Energizer Bunny on espresso.

All she knew was that now they were in some kind of forest.

"Stay close, young hobbits," Gimli began. "They say a beautiful enchantress lives in this forest, who will ensnare visitors in her spell just by looking at them. Well, this is one dwarf she won't ensare so easily! I have the-

"The dwarf breathes so loudly we could have shot him in the dark." A voice said calmly as bows and arrows popped up around them, all aiming at their heads.

Andrew clearly didn't find this dangerous, as he still had that fanboy grin on his face, so Eve relaxed slightly, and looked the blonde elf who appeared to be the leader in the eye as he said, "You bring great evil with you. You can go no further."

Here Andrew turned to Eve and said, "Oh come on! We're not all with HER!"

She snickered. The elf glanced at the two of them for a minute. Aragorn and Legolas started talking to him in Elvish, none of which Eve really understood. Andrew looked as if he could catch a word here and there.

The elf they were talking to nodded and motioned for them to follow him. As Andrew and Aragorn were both following him like nothing was wrong(And those two were the only people who's opinions Eve felt had any worth) she also followed them towards the heart of the forest.

**Well, this one isn't very funny, but it does move the story along. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Just like last chapter, I do not own Lord of the Rings.**

**Well, this chapter has some more Eve/Andrew moments, and it was pretty fun to write. Still not as funny, but I like this one.**

Eve watched the beautiful woman walk down the stairs towards her and the others. She was still in awe of her surroundings, as everything in this place seemed to be more beautiful then the last.

As the woman walked down the stairs towards them, she looked at Eve and Andrew. Ignoring the expression of complete and utter fanboying on Andrew's face, she looked at them.

_Good. The Mary Sue Destruction Agency has chosen to get involved. I was hoping for this._

Eve blinked. Had that woman just been speaking inside her head? Hmm, apparently she wasn't the only telepath in Middle Earth.

Although she wouldn't be surprised if the Sue suddenly developed psychic powers.

They were all escorted to rooms by different elves, despite Andrew's grumbling about how this wasn't what happened, Eve relished the opportunity to not be sleeping on the ground, and not be afraid of getting attacked by some of the ugliest villains she'd ever seen, and more importantly, to not have to walk the entire time and listen to nothing but the Sue's sunrise-like, even though, SUNRISE DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ANYTHING, voice.

Of course, the incredible OOC-ness of nearly everyone and everything couldn't make it so this would be easy, no freaking way.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

Eve groaned. She had walked further then she thought any human being could walk without collapsing. She didn't want to move. She wanted to sleep and not wake up until the Sue was dead.

But, considering that she was 50% of the team that was put here to ensure that that happened, waking up to a Sue-free world(Until some other idiot author got an account on some fan fiction website or another) was fairly unlikely.

_Knocknocknocknocknocknocknocknocknocknock._

Eve still didn't move.

The knocking began repeating four times, the End-of-Time-from-Doctor-Who style.

Eve rolled her eyes, forced herself up out of bed, and, ignoring the cries of protest from her legs, walked to the door and opened it.

To see Andrew, carrying several pillows, sheets, and blankets.

Before Eve could ask what he was doing, he announced, "I'm crashing here tonight. I don't care what you say. I will sleep on the floor, and I've got my own stuff, but I am not staying in that room."

"Um…"

"Look, my room is right next to the Sue's."

"Okay…"

"And the Sue just got a visit from Legolas."

Eve now felt like she was beginning to understand what was happening here.

"And I am going to need major therapy when this is over. "

Eve nodded, and let him walk in and drop all his stuff on the floor. As she helped him set up a bed, he complained, "I could hear everything! EVERYTHING!"

He then collapsed on the blankets and started sobbing.

Eve, who had completely forgotten the MSDA's policy on "What to Do When Someone is Severely Emotionally Scarred From R-Rated Scenes That They Should Not Have Had to Deal With" settled for rubbing Andrew's back in circles and murmuring soothing words to him.

"The images…they burns us, precious…"

"Hey, hey, it'll be all right. We're gonna get her. Death by a thousand papercuts, remember?"

"That's not painful enough."

"Andrew, we're at limited resources here. We can't call the MSDA. This is a medieval setting. We have to use what we can get."

"I will never forget this. It hurts."

"Andrew, you heard it, you didn't see anything."

"For which I will eternally praise the Valar."

"Hey, we could always let Misogynist/Rapist Boromir get to her first."

"She deserves it. I'm scarred for life. I will never be able to be in a committed relationship because of this mission."

"I think you're overreacting a little."

"No, I'm not."

"Go to sleep, Andrew."

"I can't."

Eve sighed, shook her head softly. "Do you have a plan to kill the Sue?"

"There's gonna be a battle with some Orcs soon, it'd be a good time to get her, when everything's chaotic and such."

"Good. I want to go home. I miss my Internet."

"I like it here."

"I know."

"You should try watching the real movie," Andrew said.

"It's not my kind of thing."

"It's a classic. It's amazing. It's the best book/movie in the world, and I will force you to watch it whether you like it or not."

"Sure. When there's a TV."

"Got it."

"Go to sleep."

"I still can't."

"Andrew. Really."

"You can go to sleep, I'll stay awake."

"Nah, I'm okay."

"Eve?"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing."

"Okay, great, nothing."

"I was gonna ask you something."

"Then ask it."

"Do you have a boyfriend right now?"

"No."

"Good."

Eve looked at Andrew with the hopes of further clarification, but the young agent was already dozing off, and she didn't want to wake him up.

So she went to sleep.

**Sorry it's so short compared to the others!**


End file.
